process

i can be a very imprecise person, messy if you want to say that. i never was a girl that folded something so neatly and perfectly. i would accidentally color outside the lines and my handwriting was big, it still is big and cursivey and it's not what you call small and neat.

i always marvel at people who are so neat and precise and organized. if you saw my bedroom, you wouldn't call me organized. more like pack rat. collector of objects and paper and keys. what i am trying to say is that these journal pages don't just come all at once. there are layers underneath you will never see. there's gesso'd over collages and painted over mistakes and through the process i feel like i will never be finished journaling. and that's okay.

when a page is in progress, it always looks bad before it gets better. & i think there is a balancing act for me, to be improvising but with care. sometimes i splash the ink too much or the gesso on my hands gets all over the page. oops, oh well. i let it go and keep on going.

it's like my journal is this vital, ever changing thing and i love that.